Overcoming Urges

One of the hardest thing about making a New Year’s Resolution is keeping your commitment during urges, especially early on. It’s always smart to use the common sense tactics to be aggressive with your offense against your bad habit. It’ highly likely that anyone reading this has already lapsed back into your habit, that you’ve made the commitment to quit. The most common resolution made, or a very common one, at least is the main resolution I made with millions of others in Americans: to quit smoking. It’s easier said than done. In fact, most people who successfully quit smoking, research studies¹ suggest, attempt it over 20 times unsuccessfully. The fact is, if you’ve lapsed back into the habit, you are already closer to your goal than you normally would be, if you pick your commitment up now.

Some of the common sense methods that I mentioned above are the following:

·         Avoid areas that you’re about to identify as high risk zones.

·         Avoid (temporarily, at least, if even possible) the presence of friend and family who are likely to take part in the habit your trying to beat. It’s sucks but it’s an important part of successfully defeating any habit.*

·         Make sure that you’ve gotten rid of all items that you associate with taking part in your bad habit

·         If you’ve been successful until day 4, congratulations. You’ve done the hardest part with the most intense urges and cues to lapse. If not, four is any easy landmark to hit, so let’s focus on that, and at that time schedule something to lock you into your commitment and understand it for what it is, which is a symbol that you will be successful in your attempt to throw off whatever addiction makes you do the thing you don’t really want to. A great example for smoking is to have your teeth cleaned and whitened. Obviously, after that you’ve increased your chances of winning the fight. You’ve effectively tricked yourself to placing a higher importance on the need to overcome smoking. Since the fight is decided by, well, you, then as silly as it is, tricking yourself, or adding actual value to the beating of your decision. Whichever way you interpret it.

·         Another thing to punctuate a successful amount of time is to take on something healthy if it’s for your health, an added percent of a week’s income to boost your savings it you’re saving for something, or three days of doing your new activity for a longer time than normal. If your resolution is to quit smoking, try a 1-3 day juice fast or use a 21 or 30 day toxin cleanser. There is a special one for smokers who’ve quit at Vitamin World, and probably anywhere of that nature.

·         Do something to in the morning to prevent your habit all day. For instance, if yours is to work out, take your supplements before the warring factions of your mind start to argue about whether you should even go today. Or tell the “loser you”, that wants to just relax, that you’ll just drive to gym and then come back home. You’ll find that “winner you” will do the rest if you can just get your body to the gym.

·         Examine the things “loser you” is saying. This is the constant monologue that goes on in your head. LY can come up with some baseless excuses, that’s most of what this part of your mind does. It looks out to avoid immediate pain and seek instant pleasure, ONLY! YOU, though are in charge of you and choose whether or not to take LY’s advice.

These are things that we all know to do, but often it’s a good idea to see them laid out, as simple as they are. I notice with myself, even simple ideas coming from another source as input, can reinforce these ideas and bring them to the surface where I can more readily use them. Use whatever works for you.

There are also some techniques from the sharp psychological frameworks that I use when changing an area of my life. I’ll introduce the areas I usually consult for high power change and some that I am interested in becoming more familiar with.

·         NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) This is my favorite tool set for change in myself and even eliciting change in others. It is a psychological framework developed for influence over yourself and others, based on common human behavior. The idea is that we can study and implement behavior that will receive a certain response. It’s based on the programming the language of the mind. The way you stand, your posture and breathing all send feedback to your brain and can help you change your mood and every aspect of your life. I am a fairly new student of this metascience, but I have used the tools and techniques for effective results already. You can too. Soon, I will post an introduction to this great mindset. For more information on NLP visit http://www.nlpu.com/NewDesign/NLPU.html

A word of warning concerning NLP: There are a lot of people out there that have taken this 40 year old metascience and completely embedded wishful thinking into the processes. Here is an example of what I think does not work with the way our minds are programmed to understand communication. Try this "mind trick" out and let's hear if anyone has much success.

·         Processes and Tactics that are taught by self-help super-coaches, Stephen Covey (most famous for authoring “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”), Anthony Robbins, who has an amazing story and travels the world teaching his processes for change (He is probably most famous for his bestselling book “Awaken the Giant Within”, although he has an extensive volume of contributions that range from books and audio downloads/videos to research in the field of self-help and change.) I used to discount these types of “gurus”, because of the gimmicky industry that they are in. Anthony Robbins took some getting used to, but looking past his high energy and enthusiasm, he has programs for change. He has dozens of little individual exercises he encourages in his tapes, which can have a powerful effect. Tony Robbins - Official website of Tony Robbins www.tonyrobbins.com

Stephen Covey (10/24/32 – 7/16/2012) is an author that I have a reverence for that I’ve never had for someone I haven’t met. This man has authored several books and traveled speaking at seminars for the majority of his career. He is the founder of FranklinCovey, a business that makes business people better, using his original ideas and tools from his own research. If I could identify one factor that changed my life from addiction/suffering to a happy free life; it would have to be Stephen Covey’s work.

In my addiction I had to go to jail and while I was there, with nothing else to do, I picked up a John Grisham book, “A Painted House”, before that I hadn’t read any books, really. It took a while, but I changed and liked to read. I hated it before. After I read all the Grisham books from back then, and a few other fiction books, I decided that I should read books to learn something and better myself. I eventually worked my way to “The 7 Habits”, and though I couldn’t understand it all, I got so much from that book that I was moved to desire a change in my life, and now had some tools to use. I’ve read every word he’s written and the 7 habits 6 or 7 times. Each time I understand more, and it proves the point of the book. The 7^th habit (spoiler alert) is to “Sharpen the Saw”. Basically, this means to learn every day.  When you do, you grow and become more capable, competent and happy. Therefore, each time I read it I can take just as much away from it as the first time. I have to attribute the desire to change to Stephen Covey and the authors that teach real world ways to have what want and base your desires on principles that you value. For more info visit www.franklincovey.com

·         SMART Recovery® is a modern, science based recovery program for addicted individuals. It is similar to Alcoholics Anonymous, in that they have group meetings and fight the same foe. They are different in their core beliefs of what addiction is, how to effectively fight it, and even disagree on pillars of theory that each program is founded on. For instance, SMART Recovery, much less well known than AA and ¼ of the age, it tries to stay abreast of the latest scientific and medical research, using all available tools to attack addiction and defend against it. AA is strict in its traditions that are the constitution of AA and will not change until AA is no longer relevant. SMART doesn’t have 12-steps, they use a 4-point system; Maintain Motivation, Coping with Urges, managing thoughts feelings and emotions & living a balanced life. SMART does not maintain that an addict must hit “rock bottom” to begin to change, religion is outside of the scope of SMART, so a spiritual experience nor choosing a higher power is relevant nor necessary to recover from addiction. Instead of spirituality, they use science, and because of this many addicted individuals use both. You’ll notice the so far, that we have loosely stuck to these four points in the blog posts so far. There is more info about SMART Here.

·         The 12-Steps: since I mentioned them above, I should point out how truly powerful these steps can be and can be applied to any type of change. I know someone who quit smoking using the 12-steps. Find out more HERE.

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Albert Ellis

  Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy is a metascience that was developed by Dr. Albert Ellis, and has changed millions of lives. You can find out more about REBT HERE. I have a free e-book courtesy of the REBT Network, and you can download your free, no hassle copy HERE.

The basic premise of all of these schools of thought is that you can change anything in your life.  You are in the driver’s seat and no matter what obstacles are in the way of you and where you’d like to be, you run you, and making excuses only aids your enemy in controlling your behavior.

For Addiction to Drugs or Alcohol:

If you are trying to stop doing something like addictive drugs, as I’ve said before, that is outside of the scope of the New Year’s resolution strategies segment of this blog. However, I would love to help you find assistance which is imperative in changing a life controlling problem. You still have the power to change, but that power lies in your ability to be able to ask for help when you need it and being brutally honest with yourself. You can never have anything worth having in this life so long as you are addicted to drugs or alcohol. Since that is the main purpose of Focused Life, please, reach out and let us know about your problem and we’ll do all the heavy lifting in finding a place that will help you.

I hold no person in a higher regard than someone who defeats a drug or alcohol addiction. There is no shame in reaching out for help. It is the brave thing to do. It’s easy to stay in your current descending state of crisis, but it takes a noble soul to reach out and get assistance for the problem that is controlling your life. Addictions are very complex issues, and even though you may feel like you can beat it on your own if, you haven’t already, and then it’s highly unlikely that you will. Life is an experience; you can spend your entire existence letting something call the shots for you, or you can step up and get the help to kick this addictions ass. Call me on my cell phone. My name is Ryan and if you follow this link, you will find my number on the left-hand side of your screen. Even if you just need to talk, or want to learn more and aren’t ready to stop, call me. Morning, noon or night, call or text and we can figure out something that works for you.

Thanks for stopping in. Leave a comment and let us know how you are doing with your resolution. Tell us what’s working for you and what’s not. Tell or ask anything….

1. https://www.dropbox.com/s/6cummmymph4v50g/TobaccoFreeFL-Quit-Kit_5-FINAL.pdf?dl=0